3 Bite-Size Tips for Using Twitter in a Job Search






Advice abounds on how to use social media to advance your career and job search. Beyond reading the volumes of great books, breaking down advice into manageable bites is a smart way to venture into the often-rough social networking waters. Also, choosing one site and really getting your feet wet is helpful to prevent social media overwhelm and scattershot behavior. The following are three snack-size tips to help you get started using the niche-networking site, Twitter.


Tip No. 1: Create a Twitter handle that articulates your value. This may simply mean using your name, particularly if your personal brand and unique value are highly connected to your name. So, @JaneDDoe may just be the perfect draw to brand you. However, if your brand is better exuded through a descriptive representation of what you do, whom you serve, how you serve, and so forth, then consider drawing a visual word picture. The challenge: Creating this handle to represent your brand in just a 15-character limit. But you can meet that challenge. It just takes thought and brainstorming.






Check out these eight examples of personally branded, value-focused and/or descriptive Twitter handles to get your juices flowing:


1. Showing your unique value: @WorkIntegrity (A career transition consultant with integrity)


2. Showing what you do: @bizshrink (A leadership psychologist who grows psychologically savvy leaders)


3. Describing how you help others: @AuntieStress (She undresses your stress by getting to the heart of the cause)


4. Using your name brand: @lizadonnelly (A New York-based cartoonist and writer)


5. Creating a hybrid handle: @RedBaronUSA (A turnaround management and growth strategy expert who uses a company name, RedBaron, and first name, Baron, in the handle)


6. Describing what you do while concurrently using your company name: @Brainzooming (Strategy, innovation, creativity, and social media ideas)


7. Incorporating your name brand plus credential (niche area of focus): @tracystewartcpa (A CPA PFS CFF CFP CDFA, collaborative neutral financial advisor)


8. Emphasizing your personal brand tagline: @ValueIntoWords (A certified master resume writer translating value into words. @Glassdoor career and workplace expert)


Tip No. 2: Follow a couple dozen people and begin sharing their content. This can start as simply as researching four or five of your favorite colleagues on Twitter and then following them. Tag along a few of the people they follow. Read through their tweets. Select a resonating tweet and share it using the “retweet” button. Or, better yet, create a personal introduction to the tweet and customize your share.


You can do this by copying/pasting the original tweet into a new tweet window and then typing in additional, value-add language to introduce the tweet. This will test your writing precision and editing skills because you likely will need to trim the original tweet (without changing the meaning), and have to create a brief, three- or four-word value-add remark, all while fitting into the 140-character limitations.


The following is an example of a tailored retweet of a blog post where the poster pulled out the takeaway message that she found most compelling.


Example of original tweet: “4 tips for better negotiations http://www.stumbleupon.com/to/s/73xwDS”


Example of tailored retweet: “‘Watch where you set your anchor’ + 3 more tips for better negotiations: http://bit.ly/VtqfOr by @twilli2861″


Tip No. 3. Tweet your own content. Once you get the hang of tweeting, consider developing your own original tweets. If you author a blog or guest post on other blogs, then it would be natural to share that content. If this isn’t the case, then create 140-character tips that apply to your area of expertise. So, for example, if you are a sales professional, you may want to prepare a sales tip to help your followers sell better, or you could share one thing not to do when trying to close a deal. In other words, consider what’s in it for the follower before composing a tweet, then offer practical advice they can immediately implement.


While Twitter can be a noisy playground with lots of equipment with which to experiment; e.g., TweetDeck, HootSuite, hashtags, Twitter chats, and such, don’t let that bog you down. Instead, target in on one area of that playground and start swinging. Let your legs fly, throw your head back. At the same time, play safely and courteously. You will find yourself exhilarated and playful, at the same time, growing your career muscle in communication and collaboration.


Jacqui Barrett-Poindexter is a Glassdoor career and workplace expert, chief career writer and partner with CareerTrend, and is one of only 28 Master Resume Writers (MRW) globally. Jacqui and her husband, “Sailor Rob,” host a lively careers-focused blog at http://careertrend.net/blog. Jacqui is a power Twitter user (@ValueIntoWords), listed on several “Best People to Follow” lists for job seekers.


Social Media News Headlines – Yahoo! News





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Michelle Williams Says Reports of Destiny's Child Super Bowl Reunion Are Not True















01/28/2013 at 10:15 AM EST







Destiny's Child (from left) Beyoncé Knowles, Michelle Williams and Kelly Rowland


Anthony Harvey/PA/Abaca


Are they or aren't they?

Fans of Destiny's Child may be wondering where Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams will be at the Super Bowl halftime show.

While Beyoncé has posted photos of her rehearsals for the big performance, Williams says reports of a reunion for the pop group are merely unconfirmed rumors – and that they're "not true."

"I'm going to be in the musical Fela!," she told WRUG Media in a recent interview. "I hate to disappoint the people and tell them that it's not true."

Williams is headlining a world tour of the Tony Award-winning show, which kicks off Tuesday in Washington, D.C. According to the show's website, there are two performances of Fela! at D.C.'s Sidney Harman Hall, at 3 p.m. and 8 p.m. on Super Bowl Sunday, which would make it difficult to be in New Orleans for the game without help from an understudy.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," Williams said of the reunion rumors. "But we did record a song with each other before the holidays."

Destiny's Child – Love Songs, a greatest hits compilation of the group's most romantic recordings set for release Tuesday, will feature a new song, "Nuclear," their first in eight years.

But Williams did hint that a reunion outside the recording studio may still happen.

"We have talked about it," she said. "You know, one day soon."

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Wounded soldier gets double-arm transplant in Md.


BALTIMORE (AP) — A soldier who lost all four limbs in a roadside bomb attack in 2009 in Iraq has received a double-arm transplant in Baltimore.


Johns Hopkins Hospital surgeons plan to discuss the transplant Tuesday at a news conference with the infantryman.


Johns Hopkins says the soldier is one of seven in the United States who have undergone successful double-arm transplants.


Hospital officials say the transplant last month is the first for the hospital and involved an innovative treatment to prevent rejection of the new limbs. Johns Hopkins officials say the treatment used the dead donor's bone marrow cells and so far has prevented rejection and reduced the need for anti-rejection drugs. Those drugs can cause complications including infection and organ damage.


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Wall Street flat after rally, Caterpillar advances

NEW YORK (Reuters) - U.S. stocks were flat on Monday, with investors reluctant to make big bets following an extended equity rally, though strong data and results from Caterpillar kept a positive tone in markets.


The S&P 500 is coming off a streak of eight sessions of gains, the longest winning streak for the index in eight years. On Friday, it closed above 1,500 for the first time in more than five years.


Caterpillar Inc rose 1.8 percent to $97.24 after the Dow component reported adjusted fourth-quarter earnings that beat expectations, though revenue was slightly below forecasts. The heavy machinery maker also said it expects China's economy to improve, though not at the rates of 2010 and 2011.


The results continued the trend of major firms posting strong quarters, contributing to major averages rising for four straight weeks.


"You can't find more of a global bellwether than Cat, and people are pleased with the number, which suggests there could be less concern about slowing growth in China after this," said Wayne Kaufman, chief market analyst at John Thomas Financial in New York.


Thomson Reuters data through Friday showed that of the 147 S&P 500 companies that have reported earnings so far, 68 percent exceeded expectations. Since 1994, 62 percent of companies have topped expectations, while the average over the past four quarters stands at 65 percent.


The Dow Jones industrial average <.dji> was up 18.07 points, or 0.13 percent, at 13,914.05. The Standard & Poor's 500 Index <.spx> was down 0.07 points, or 0.00 percent, at 1,502.89. The Nasdaq Composite Index <.ixic> was up 7.25 points, or 0.23 percent, at 3,156.97.


The S&P 500 on Friday closed at its highest since December 10, 2007, and the Dow ended at its highest since October 31, 2007. Over the past four weeks, the S&P has jumped 7.2 percent, suggesting markets may be vulnerable to a pullback if news disappoints.


Durable goods jumped 4.6 percent in December, a pace that far outstripped expectations for a rise of 1.8 percent.


"We continue to have a parade of better-than-expected economic reports. All-in-all it's a good picture. I think there's a good chance we've reached a point of recognition where people don't think the economy will crater," Kaufman said.


In addition to earnings, equities have also risen on an agreement in Washington to extend the government's borrowing power. On Monday, Fitch Ratings said that agreement removed the near-term risk to the country's 'AAA' rating.


Previously, the agency said the lack of an agreement would prompt a review of the sovereign rating.


In company news, Keryx Biopharmaceuticals Inc said a late-stage trial of its experimental kidney disease drug met the main study goal of reducing phosphate levels in blood, sending shares up 43 percent to $4.91.


Bargain hunters may look to Apple Inc in the first session after the tech giant lost its coveted title as the largest U.S. company by market capitalization to Exxon Mobil Corp . Apple rose 0.7 percent to $443.06.


On Friday, Apple's market cap fell to $413 billion, down roughly $250 billion from its September peak. Apple's fall is about equal to the entire value of Google Inc .


"Apple is pretty attractive right now, so you may see an opportunity here," said Chris Bertelsen, who helps oversee $1.5 billion as chief investment officer of Global Financial Private Capital in Sarasota, Florida. "Those who think the stock is dead have made a big mistake."


(Editing by W Simon, Kenneth Barry and Nick Zieminski)



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North Korean Leader Vows ‘High-Profile’ Retaliation





SEOUL, South Korea — Kim Jong-un, the North Korean leader, has ordered his top military and party officials to take “substantial and high-profile important state measures” to retaliate against American-led United Nations sanctions on the country, the North’s official media reported Sunday.




North Korea did not clarify what those measures might be, but it referred to a series of earlier statements in which Mr. Kim’s government has threatened to launch more long-range rockets and conduct a third nuclear test to build an ability to “target” the United States.


Mr. Kim threw his weight behind his government’s escalating standoff with Washington when he called a meeting of top security and foreign affairs officials and gave an instruction in his name. He inherited the posts of supreme party and military leaders from his father, Kim Jong-il, who died in December 2011.


By calling such a meeting and having it reported in state news media, Mr. Kim appeared to be asserting his leadership in what his country called an “all-out action” against the United States, unlike his father, who tended to remain reclusive during similar confrontations.


“At the consultative meeting, Kim Jong-un expressed the firm resolution to take substantial and high-profile important state measures in view of the prevailing situation,” said the North’s Korean Central News Agency, or K.C.N.A. “He advanced specific tasks to the officials concerned.”


The K.C.N.A. dispatch, which was distributed on Sunday, was dated Saturday, indicating that the meeting in Pyongyang, the capital, took place then. That was the same day on which the North’s main party newspaper, Rodong Sinmun, said that the United Nations Security Council’s resolution last Tuesday calling for tightening sanctions against the North left it with “no other option” but a nuclear test.


“A nuclear test is what the people demand,” it said in a commentary.


The resolution was adopted unanimously — with the support of the North’s traditional protector, China — as punishment for its Dec. 12 rocket launching. The Security Council determined that the launching was a cover for testing intercontinental ballistic missile technology and a violation of its earlier resolutions banning North Korea from conducting such tests.


The North rejected the old resolutions, as well as the latest one, insisting that launching rockets to put satellites into orbit was its sovereign right. Its successful rocket launching in December, coming after a failure last April, was the most visible achievement Mr. Kim’s government could present to its people, who have suffered decades of poverty and isolation. In North Korean propaganda, defending the rocket program is likened to protecting national pride and independence — even if the country has to pay a high economic price.


Last Thursday, North Korea said that its drive to rebuild its moribund economy and its rocket program, until now billed as a peaceful space project, would be adjusted and redirected toward efforts to foil hostilities by the United States. On Sunday, it said the Security Council’s action “has thrown a grave obstacle” in the way of its efforts to focus on “economic construction so that the people may not tighten their belts any longer.”


Still, it said it had to “defend its sovereignty by itself” because “different countries concerned” failed to “fairly solve the problem.” In the past few days, North Korea, without citing China by name, expressed bitterness and defiance against its longtime Communist ally for endorsing the American-led Security Council resolution. On Saturday, the Rodong Sinmun reaffirmed its dislike of “sadae,” or toadying big countries, including China.


China provides all of North Korea’s fuel and remains its biggest trading partner, but analysts believe that its influence is limited on the recalcitrant government in Pyongyang. Beijing has been thus far reluctant to use its economic leverage, fearing that it would only drive its neighbor into more provocations, which would be a blow to China’s interest in maintaining stability in the region.


International attention has focused on the Punggye nuclear test site in northeastern North Korea, where the country conducted its two previous underground nuclear tests, in 2006 and 2009. Enough preparations have been made there recently that a third test could happen on short notice from the North Korean leadership, South Korean officials said.


In a report issued Sunday, the Institute for National Security Strategy, a research organization affiliated with South Korea’s main intelligence service, said that North Korea might use provocations this year to tame the incoming government of President-elect Park Geun-hye, who will be sworn in next month.


“It will wait and see until the new government’s North Korea policy shapes up,” it said. “If the policy is not favorable, the North may lash out with provocations.”


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SAG Awards: Watch Live with PEOPLE









01/27/2013 at 09:30 AM EST



Happy Screen Actors Guild Awards!

On a night when the biggest stars of TV and film honor each other, we will be covering every inch of the red carpet beginning at 6 p.m. ET (3 p.m. PT) on our live pre-show, hosted by PEOPLE's Deputy Managing Editor Peter Castro and PEOPLE StyleWatch Managing Editor Susan Kaufman, right here on PEOPLE.com.

Join our @StyleWatchMag and @peoplemag Twitter party on Sunday to discuss the best dresses, the hottest hair and makeup and the most eye-popping jewels that nominees like Claire Danes, Jessica Chastain and Jennifer Lawrence will be wearing. Just use hashtag #PeopleSAG and your comments could appear on PEOPLE.com.

Once the show starts at 8 p.m. ET (5 p.m. PT), the fun continues as we track the winners, losers and best speeches of the night. PEOPLE editors and the stars, including Busy Phillips, will be Tweeting commentary, exclusive photos, behind-the-scenes tidbits and more on one of Hollywood's most heartfelt nights.

The 19th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards will air live on TNT and TBS on Sunday, Jan. 27, at 8 p.m. ET (5 p.m. PT) from the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles. Be sure to join us!

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CDC: Flu seems to level off except in the West


New government figures show that flu cases seem to be leveling off nationwide. Flu activity is declining in most regions although still rising in the West.


The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says hospitalizations and deaths spiked again last week, especially among the elderly. The CDC says quick treatment with antiviral medicines is important, in particular for the very young or old. The season's first flu case resistant to treatment with Tamiflu was reported Friday.


Eight more children have died from the flu, bringing this season's total pediatric deaths to 37. About 100 children die in an average flu season.


There is still vaccine available although it may be hard to find. The CDC has a website that can help.


___


CDC: http://www.cdc.gov/flu/


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Wall Street Week Ahead: Bears hibernate as stocks near record highs

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Stocks have been on a tear in January, moving major indexes within striking distance of all-time highs. The bearish case is a difficult one to make right now.


Earnings have exceeded expectations, the housing and labor markets have strengthened, lawmakers in Washington no longer seem to be the roadblock that they were for most of 2012, and money has returned to stock funds again.


The Standard & Poor's 500 Index <.spx> has gained 5.4 percent this year and closed above 1,500 - climbing to the spot where Wall Street strategists expected it to be by mid-year. The Dow Jones industrial average <.dji> is 2.2 percent away from all-time highs reached in October 2007. The Dow ended Friday's session at 13,895.98, its highest close since October 31, 2007.


The S&P has risen for four straight weeks and eight consecutive sessions, the longest streak of days since 2004. On Friday, the benchmark S&P 500 ended at 1,502.96 - its first close above 1,500 in more than five years.


"Once we break above a resistance level at 1,510, we dramatically increase the probability that we break the highs of 2007," said Walter Zimmermann, technical analyst at United-ICAP, in Jersey City, New Jersey. "That may be the start of a rise that could take equities near 1,800 within the next few years."


The most recent Reuters poll of Wall Street strategists estimated the benchmark index would rise to 1,550 by year-end, a target that is 3.1 percent away from current levels. That would put the S&P 500 a stone's throw from the index's all-time intraday high of 1,576.09 reached on October 11, 2007.


The new year has brought a sharp increase in flows into U.S. equity mutual funds, and that has helped stocks rack up four straight weeks of gains, with strength in big- and small-caps alike.


That's not to say there aren't concerns. Economic growth has been steady, but not as strong as many had hoped. The household unemployment rate remains high at 7.8 percent. And more than 75 percent of the stocks in the S&P 500 are above their 26-week highs, suggesting the buying has come too far, too fast.


MUTUAL FUND INVESTORS COME BACK


All 10 S&P 500 industry sectors are higher in 2013, in part because of new money flowing into equity funds. Investors in U.S.-based funds committed $3.66 billion to stock mutual funds in the latest week, the third straight week of big gains for the funds, data from Thomson Reuters' Lipper service showed on Thursday.


Energy shares <.5sp10> lead the way with a gain of 6.6 percent, followed by industrials <.5sp20>, up 6.3 percent. Telecom <.5sp50>, a defensive play that underperforms in periods of growth, is the weakest sector - up 0.1 percent for the year.


More than 350 stocks hit new highs on Friday alone on the New York Stock Exchange. The Dow Jones Transportation Average <.djt> recently climbed to an all-time high, with stocks in this sector and other economic bellwethers posting strong gains almost daily.


"If you peel back the onion a little bit, you start to look at companies like Precision Castparts , Honeywell , 3M Co and Illinois Tool Works - these are big, broad-based industrial companies in the U.S. and they are all hitting new highs, and doing very well. That is the real story," said Mike Binger, portfolio manager at Gradient Investments, in Shoreview, Minnesota.


The gains have run across asset sizes as well. The S&P small-cap index <.spcy> has jumped 6.7 percent and the S&P mid-cap index <.mid> has shot up 7.5 percent so far this year.


Exchange-traded funds have seen year-to-date inflows of $15.6 billion, with fairly even flows across the small-, mid- and large-cap categories, according to Nicholas Colas, chief market strategist at the ConvergEx Group, in New York.


"Investors aren't really differentiating among asset sizes. They just want broad equity exposure," Colas said.


The market has shown resilience to weak news. On Thursday, the S&P 500 held steady despite a 12 percent slide in shares of Apple after the iPhone and iPad maker's results. The tech giant is heavily weighted in both the S&P 500 and Nasdaq 100 <.ndx> and in the past, its drop has suffocated stocks' broader gains.


JOBS DATA MAY TEST THE RALLY


In the last few days, the ratio of stocks hitting new highs versus those hitting new lows on a daily basis has started to diminish - a potential sign that the rally is narrowing to fewer names - and could be running out of gas.


Investors have also cited sentiment surveys that indicate high levels of bullishness among newsletter writers, a contrarian indicator, and momentum indicators are starting to also suggest the rally has perhaps come too far.


The market's resilience could be tested next week with Friday's release of the January non-farm payrolls report. About 155,000 jobs are seen being added in the month and the unemployment rate is expected to hold steady at 7.8 percent.


"Staying over 1,500 sends up a flag of profit taking," said Jerry Harris, president of asset management at Sterne Agee, in Birmingham, Alabama. "Since recent jobless claims have made us optimistic on payrolls, if that doesn't come through, it will be a real risk to the rally."


A number of marquee names will report earnings next week, including bellwether companies such as Caterpillar Inc , Amazon.com Inc , Ford Motor Co and Pfizer Inc .


On a historic basis, valuations remain relatively low - the S&P 500's current price-to-earnings ratio sits at 15.66, which is just a tad above the historic level of 15.


Worries about the U.S. stock market's recent strength do not mean the market is in a bubble. Investors clearly don't feel that way at the moment.


"We're seeing more interest in equities overall, and a lot of flows from bonds into stocks," said Paul Zemsky, who helps oversee $445 billion as the New York-based head of asset allocation at ING Investment Management. "We've been increasing our exposure to risky assets."


For the week, the Dow climbed 1.8 percent, the S&P 500 rose 1.1 percent and the Nasdaq advanced 0.5 percent.


(Reporting by Ryan Vlastelica; Additional reporting by Chuck Mikolajczak; Editing by Jan Paschal)



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The Lede Blog: A 'Black Bloc' Emerges in Egypt

Last Updated, Saturday, 10:17 a.m. While using Twitter to narrate events in Tahrir Square on Friday, people in Egypt described tires burning in the street, protesters blocking traffic and hurling rocks, and police officers launching tear gas in an effort to break up crowds that had gathered to protest against the Muslim Brotherhood and the country’s new Islamist president.

Many of the actions described on Friday appeared to hew to a script that has become familiar over the past two years, but some in the crowds of protesters appeared to be using new tactics, dressing from head to toe in black, covering their faces with bandannas or kerchiefs and brandishing black flags as they skirmished with security forces.

“Asked one of them who they are they said we don’t talk to media but we are black bloc,” wrote ‏the British-Egyptian journalist Sarah Carr, adding that a member of the group had “mentioned anarchism.”

An article filed on Thursday by The Associated Press reported the presence of a “previously unknown group calling itself the black block.” The article continued, “Wearing black masks and waving black banners, it warned the Muslim Brotherhood of using its ‘military wing’ to put down protests.”

Although largely new in Cairo, the term “black bloc” has been used for years in the United States and Europe to describe a tactic commonly used by anarchists and anticapitalists during large-scale political demonstrations that occasionally devolve into street fights with the authorities.

Participants in the bloc typically dress in black to foster a sense of unity and to make it difficult for witnesses to differentiate between individuals. Members of the bloc often blend in with larger groups of protesters, then break away, linking arms as they rush down streets.

In the United States, at least, black bloc members usually eschew violence against people but have few compunctions about damaging property.

The tactic received attention during the 1999 protests in Seattle against the World Trade Organization, when youths dressed in black broke windows and spray-painted graffiti on buildings.

In St. Paul, during the 2008 Republican National Convention, black bloc members roamed through the city smashing bank windows and using hammers to batter a police car.

It is unclear whether there are any connections between American and Egyptian black bloc participants, but the site anarchistnews.org posted a message about occurrences in Cairo, quoting the blog Even If Your Voice Shakes.

Last night, anarchism left the graffitied walls, small conversations, and online forums of Egypt, and came to life in Cairo, declaring itself a new force in the ongoing social revolution sparked two years ago with multiple firebombings against Muslim Brotherhood offices. Later, the government shutdown the “Black Blocairo” and “Egyptian Black Bloc” Facebook pages, but they were soon re-launched.

The site went on to say that Egyptian anarchists had firebombed the Shura Council.

As my colleague Robert Mackey reports, an Egyptian journalist, Sarah El Sirgany, wrote on Twitter, “Vendors tell me it was the Black Block group that attempted to storm the Ikhwan Online building sparking the fight.”

Later, she added, “Now those who had continued the fight are heading to Tahrir, flag of Black Block flying high.”

This week, a video was uploaded to an Egyptian YouTube channel titled “Black Bloc Egypt.” Accompanied by driving music the video shows masked people marching while holding aloft black banners, a black flag with an anarchy symbol and an Egyptian flag.

Egyptian journalists and bloggers wondered what to make of the black bloc in Egypt. In a place where sexual assaults and gropings remain common, one journalist, Ghazala Irshad, reported from Cairo that the “self-proclaimed” anti-Muslim-Brotherhood militia “has female members.”

The activist bloggers Gigi Ibrahim, Adel Abdel Ghafar, Bassem Sabry and Egyptocracy wrote that they were troubled by the development.

This post was revised after publication to reflect comments on Twitter by the journalist Ghazala Irshad, who asked us to clarify that she was merely reporting on the presence of the Black Bloc, not admiring them as we first reported.

Additional reporting was contributed by Robert Mackey.

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4 tips for creating a successful Twitter parody account






The guy behind @GowanusDolphin learned his lesson the hard way


A chorus of Twitter elite got really angry on Friday when an opportunistic user decided to register @GowanusDolphin, a horrible account that premised itself on a dolphin trapped in New York‘s murky Gowanus Canal. 







Not sure how I feel about parody account @gowanusdolphin. Poor guy. Don’t find funny at all.



SEE MORE: Connecticut massacre suspect: How the media IDed the wrong guy [Updated]


Craig Kanalley (@ckanal) January 25, 2013



I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that this @gowanusdolphin account is far worse than the Holocaust.



— Joel Johnson (@joeljohnson) January 25, 2013



It’s because we all laughed at the fake Rahm Emanuel guy that these fucking things exist. We brought @gowanusdolphin on ourselves.



SEE MORE: The 17 most memorable tweets of 2012


— Cord Jefferson (@cordjefferson) January 25, 2013


The offender, who has since apologized for being a jerk, learned his lesson the hard way. Don’t let the same fate befall you. Here, four helpful tips for creating a successful* Twitter parody account should the opportunity ever arise again:


1. Don’t use animals
Remember @BronxZooCobra fondly? Neither do we. Predicating your shiny new Twitter handle on a headline-grabbing animal is difficult for two reasons: (a) Animals don’t talk. You’re creating its voice from scratch; and (b) People tend to like animals more than they like other people, so as a rule of thumb, you should probably be making fun of actual human beings.


SEE MORE: Social media masters, ninjas, and gurus: How Twitter pros describe themselves


2. Don’t base it on news
When a mild 5.9-magnitude earthquake rattled New York in 2010, Twitter exploded with parody accounts. (“Boom!” and “Whoa!” and that sort of nonsense.) None of them were funny. None of them were sustainable. Take a lesson from Bloomberg social media director (and the web’s leading voice in parody account hatred) Jared Keller:



If you create a parody account within fifteen minutes of a news event you are the worst person on the planet and I hate you.



SEE MORE: Instagram vs. Twitter: Why their beef is bad news for you


— Jared Keller (@jaredbkeller) January 25, 2013


3. Be funny
Ha ha, you have to actually be funny, which is easier said than done. And “humor,” as we all know, is 100 percent subjective and varies from person to person, NOT TO MENTION it requires constant mental dexterity that 99.99 percent of the population simply isn’t cut out for. So make it easy for yourself. Self-impose some parameters and employ a weird spin like @NYTOnIt or @__MICHAELJ0RDAN. Maybe you’ll even get a book deal! (Probably not.)


4. You probably shouldn’t make a parody account
Ignore everything I just said. Don’t make one. Sorry.


SEE MORE: Should Twitter be forced to reveal racist users?


*Just kidding.


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Social Media News Headlines – Yahoo! News





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